Secret Plumbers Business

My wife thinks I’m a conspiracy nut. She’s wrong. She’s so ignorant of all the things that are really going on in the world; the hidden agendas of the powers that be and all the obvious signs which surround us. 

I think they’re so obvious! They’re right in front of our eyes, but for most people these things are difficult to perceive. While Jane is wilfully ignorant about the fluoride in her water and the chemicals in the sky above our house she doesn’t seem worried about anything. 

She’s no idiot, she knows what’s going on, but I think she wouldn’t be able to cope with the horrible reality, so she just chooses not to believe it. She knows that they put fluoride in the water but ignores the purpose behind it, same with the sky chemicals, I’m pointing at them saying, ‘Look!’ and she’s like, ‘Oh, they’re just condensation trails.’ Wrong Jane.

When we called the drainage contractors near Melbourne, Jane was acting like her usual pleasant and oblivious self. But all the while I was watching the plumber doing his work, I could see the signs… the signs of a secret society. First there was his spanner and screwdriver hanging from his belt. But they weren’t just hanging there, they were arranged into a cross shape, which has got to be a special symbol or secret sign. Then there was the weird handshake he gave me when he came through the door. He applied slight pressure with his little finger, I think he was testing me to see if I’d notice. I didn’t know how to react so I just smiled knowingly. I could tell this was a man that did a lot more than simple boundary trap replacements. Melbourne has its fair share of underground clubs and this guy was giving off all the signals of being a part.

As he was packing up I noticed the unusual belt buckle on his trousers. This was no ordinary belt buckle I’ll tell you that. It was made from an unidentified metal (probably a secret material) glinting a coppery gold under the bathroom light. All I know is, he is an excellent emergency plumber. That being said, you have to be able to trust your tradespeople. Jane, she doesn’t seem to mind.